Original Hypochondriac Song
I have known some pretty good writers, and great songwriters, too. Oh, no one you’ve heard of, but friends who could write songs to make you sob around the campfire, and they were great. Who could stay dry-eyed through Poet’s poem about campers, or Bili’s Dragon Song or For Those Who Lead? Well, here it is, my humble contribution, just be glad you don’t have to hear me sing it.
You are a hypochondriac, why don’t you leave and not come back?
If you feel you must get sick, Bisodol will do the trick.
You had girl scouts and three desserts, there’s no wonder your stomach hurts.
You are close friends with our JayJay, you go to see her three times a day.
You are a kleptomanic, why don’t you bring our lantern back?
If you think you have to steal, kindly leave our packout meal.
You took our tp and our brush, all our Clorox, plates and cups,
We have no sponges and no soap, we have given up all hope.
You are a pyromaniac, why don’t you bring our matches back?
Empty boxes everywhere, the smell of sulphur in the air
Tinder, kindling, fuel and trash, it’s all in danger of becoming ash,
But you keep water to put it out, so Rick the Ranger would be proud.
You are a screaming maniac, I pray your voice does not come back.
The canyons echo with your yell, telling girls to count off and do it well.
But you sing them to sleep at night, outside your cabin you hang a light,
And you get teary when they’re gone, and want to see them come again.
Translations from “back in the day”:
Girl Scouts means three bites of whatever is being served - each girl had to have a little of everything. If they didn’t like peas and asked for girl scouts, the merciful server would put three peas on her plate.
Bisodol was the stomach ache cure-all. JayJay was the camp nurse.
The lantern was lit and hung outside the latrine each night so it was easier for the girls to find in the dark.
One meal each day was cooked in the camp unit, packed out and stored on the screened porch for the units to pick up and prepare.
TP is of course toilet paper.
Rick the Ranger was the National Forest ranger.
The other unit lantern was lit and hung outside the counselor’s cabin so the girls could find them easier if they needed to.
